Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
