Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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