he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
