just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
