my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
