guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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