oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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