How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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