We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
