I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
