we have officially lost it.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my shit smells like andre
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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