I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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