the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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