Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
