The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
