New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
