All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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