We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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