im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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