She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
