Got a toothbrush?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
