i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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