I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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