Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
