i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize