if only i could text you this smell
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
