That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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