so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
