I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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