What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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