My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
