first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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