i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
