Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
