you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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