i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
