Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
