i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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