I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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