when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
we're so committed to being not committed
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
