No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
