She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
