There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
