OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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