i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
