so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she told me i tasted like america
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
