My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
