We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
