Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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