she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
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