I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
