Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
