So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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