the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize