Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
