So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
