Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
