i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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