You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
