Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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