Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
