Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
