So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
