i barfeds in our rink
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
