Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
