i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
