Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
