I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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