so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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